Perinatologist Appointment

This appointment just as great as yesterday OB/GYN appointment.  They remeasured everything, and the measurements came out much like they had on Friday.  Only the pernatologist says that CJ’s head is too far into the pelvis to get an accurate head measurement-so what they get APPEARS to be on the small side, in reality they aren’t measuring the right part of her head (the part they are measuring is a smaller area).  All the other measurements kind of follow suit.  The abdominal measurement is larger than what it actually is because of the way she’s twisted in there and it’s hard to get a very accurate reading.  Basically, the high and low of it all is that–Charlotte is okay.  She is going to continue baking for awhile longer.  She won’t be a big baby and right now she is in the 25th percentile.  (10% and below is growth restriction)  They don’t expect her to get any further behind than she is currently. 

All is good, and nothing in the world could wipe this shit eatin’ grin off my face today!

“You Do Have A Small Head.”

Today’s OB/GYN appointment went extremely well.  I couldn’t have asked for a better appointment as a matter of fact!  Can I just say I love my doctor?  She is great, and she listens (which is something hard to find in doctors these days).

Back on task.  Doc thinks that we should ignore the ultrasound from Friday.  She thinks the findings are odd and would be extremely rare.  Most cases where the head measurement is so much smaller than the body measurements would throw up red flags about brain development, but in my case things are a little different.  I’ve already had a level 2 ultrasound that confirmed that Charlotte’s brain was developing normally and all parts of the brain were present and accounted for.  So, she laughed it off and said she thought the ultrasound tech was drunk.  However, she did still want to keep me on heavy monitoring just in case.  So, I still have the emergency perinatologist appointment about 7 hours from now.  I’ll have another level 2 ultrasound at this appointment.  They will re-check all of the measurements and also check again to make sure that the brain is forming normally and all parts are there.  I’ll update about that later after the appointment.

Also found in Friday’s ultrasound was that my placenta previa has cleared up.  Or in other words, my uterus has grown enough to pull the placenta up away from the cervix.  Doctors like to say that it has “migrated” upwards.  LOL  I can’t say it without laughing.  I just want to think of a placenta packing it’s things up and making the long travel away from the cervix in search of something–food maybe? LOL

Doctor also has me now doing weekly non-stress tests.  Yay.  Fun.  Can you sense the sarcasm?  It’s there and it’s oh so heavy.  So, I had my first one today right after my appointment.  It was good, not great, but good.  Charlotte was reactive.  Her baseline was a little low at times, but the accelerations with activity were appropriate.  So it was considered “good”.  Let’s hope they stay that way atleast until 37 weeks!

I also want to add on here that I found out where the IUGR diagnosis came from.  It came from the radiologist and just like I had thought, it was the paperwork that makes it look that way.  I am lucky that my doc actually listened to me and agrees that since I had been TTC for so long that she felt that we could trust what I know to be my ovulation date.  Color me dumbfounded!  Doctors never listen when you say you know when you ovulate!  Let me again say.  I love my doctor!

And for the title of this post.  Doc and I were talking about Charlotte’s head maybe just being naturally small.  So, I pointed out Paul’s head and she looked at him and very seriously says “You do have a small head.”  I nearly died laughing and was real close to falling right off the exam table!  I am forever teasing Paul about his egg-headed-ness and he returns the favor by calling me a fat head.  I just love that someone else agrees with me that he has an egg head!

Maybe Baby & Maybe Soon

So, I didn’t update anyone on this yesterday.  I kinda sat around the house in a bewildered stupor.  Right after my blog post about Haley I turned off the computer and sat down to make my grocery list.  I got as far as the first item and the phone rang.  It was my doctor’s office and I knew that the news wouldn’t be good.  They never call to say good things!  I’d love once for them to call me and just say something like “Hey, we’ve chosen you as one of our hottest preggo’s and we want to give you some free spa treatments!”  Ha.  Wouldn’t that be nice.

So, the nurse says well we need you to go back to the perinatologist because some things on your ultrasound came back weird.  Weird.  Yes, she said weird.  I would have said something along the lines of hella-fucked-up, but that’s just me.  So, last time it took weeks to get into the specialist.  Well, then she drops a bomb on me- Thursday.  This Thursday?  Yes, she says, they are doing an emergency appointment.  Well, doesn’t that sound like fun to you?  Sounds like a motherfuckin’ day at the beach to me.

So, I thoroughly questioned the nurse.  The report said IUGR and “other growth issues” so I assume that they are referring to the head measurement.  Who knows.  I have an appointment with my OBGYN in about 7.5 hours so I’ll update after that.  She is usually pretty good about me being an intrusive and overly nosey patient.  She also responds well when I use the correct medical terminology and doesn’t talk down to me.  So, she’s alright in my book!  Hopefully she can give me answers about what in the fuck is going on in my uterus and atleast put me at ease a little bit (enough to hold me over for 24 hours until the peri appointment).

So, I ask nurse doom and gloom what is the worst case scenario with all of this and ask her for a timeline on the worst case.  Her answer was a little like a baseball bat hitting you directly in the temple.  She says:  Well, your appointment with doc on Weds.  Then, the appointment with the peri on Thurs.  If the peri verifies the diagnosis then you could be induced this weekend.

What? Um, I didn’t sign up for this shit!  So, I sat here for a good while just trying to absorb it.  Then, I called my mother in law and my mom to let them know about the worst case scenario.  My mom is going to be the designated baby sitter and Paul’s mom will be part labor coach, part funny ass cripple, part post partum care.  So, I have to keep them in the loop, and atleast my mother is good at helping to calm my nerves!!

So, that’s where we stand for the moment.  Stay tuned for an update after my appointment today.

Haley Has No Tails, But I do

The poor child….really, she’s so pitiful sometimes that I can’t help but to scoop her onto my lap and rock with her the way I did when she was just a wee babe.

The other night she fell out of bed.  I can’t think of the word to describe her bed, but it doesn’t have box springs.  It sits on top of some drawers and it’s an all wood base.  (Help me out with the right word to describe this stupid bed–please?!?!?)  Anyways, she fell off and managed to scratch her back and shoulder blade up pretty good on the way to the floor.  Poor kid.

Then, the other day she tells me about a conversation she had with a certain douche’s girlfriend where the girlfriend told Haley that I wouldn’t have time for her anymore because the baby would take up all my time.  There is more, but that’s the basic point of the whole conversation that Haley recounted to me.  Of course, it isn’t at all true.  In the hopes that this girl will find my blog I have a little message for her:  I can manage my time and find time for each of my children, and do you know why?  I am a grown up.  I am a real mother.  I have a wonderful husband who is also quite capable of spoiling Haley while I spend time with our newest daughter.  Are you jealous?

Then, we had to have the “Will you love Charlotte more than you love me?” conversation.  I think deep down Haley knows the answer to this, but she is a child who is always in need to assurance.  So, I talked to her about it and I think she feels better about it.  Secretly, I just can’t tell her that I can’t imagine loving another child the way that I love her.  My love for her is so deep and profound that it just seems so impossible to think that another child could have that same special place in my heart.  Her and I have been through Hell and back and I think for that reason alone, Haley will always be a little bit more special.  I don’t know.  It’s speculation at this point.  Of course, Charlotte will have her own special spot too.  I craved to conceive her for years so maybe she won’t be special in the same way–but equally special in her OWN way and in her OWN special spot in my heart.  In my head, I go back and forth on this….I’ll be open and honest about it.  I ask myself often if I can love another baby as much as I love her.  I think I can, but I know I won’t be able to fully realize it until Charlotte is here and I look at her with the same wonder and appreciation as I looked at Haley with in her first weeks of life.  (I’ll keep ya’ll updated on that when the time comes)

And on a good note:  Haley is doing really well in school.  She is eating it up with the same appetite for learning that I had as a child, and I am proud to see her following my footsteps with that.  There are things that she needs to work on still, but in the “learning” aspect of things she is equal with her classmates.  She could really use a handwriting coach though! LOL  I don’t know how to teach her the importance of good penmanship.  My own writing is good and people always comment on how “pretty” my handwriting is, yet I can’t seem to teach her!  When I print, I print letters like a teacher of old days (I guess).  I write in the Dnealian style, which is putting the little “tails” on the letters.  Didn’t everyone learn to print like this?  I still write like this and I can’t help it.  Well, now they use what they call “ball and stick” printing.  It’s just normal printing of the letters.  Well, Haley gets pissed off at me and says ”we don’t put TAILS on our letters MOOOOOOM!”  So, I’m working on trying to learn to write in the ball and stick format while I’m working with her and she’s trying to improve her letter formation.  We’re trying to understand each other’s problems! LOL

Yesterday was the open house at the school.  It was great.  Haley’s speech teacher was at the front door when we walked in and she rushed right over to talk to me.  She is so nice.  I’m positive that she is the reason that Haley does so well with her speech.  It’s amazing how many times I hear from people who can’t believe how much Haley’s speech problems have cleared up in such a short time!  An amazing teacher indeed!  Then, we were off to Haley’s first grade classroom.  Her teacher is so well prepared and well organized.  If I was a hater of people who are better than me, I would total be hatin’ on this woman!  She makes my organizational skills look like child’s play.  She, too, is an absolutely amazing teacher and I am so glad that Haley is in her class.  She is such a sweetheart!  I offered to help out for Haley’s class and she was so willing to work around the baby’s due date and also Paul’s completely fucked up schedule too so I wouldn’t have to get a sitter.  A very classy woman.  Her sense of style is beyond compare too.  I’m actually hatin’ on her for that.  She pulls off bright magenta better than I do and her outfits are so cute, PLUS she can wear skirts and look good in them.  The wench! I hope she never reads this, she’d probably think I was seriously calling her a wench.  Then, Haley would be doomed to repeat first grade over and over until the end of time!

Baby Boy On The Way!

Not mine.  No, she’s still a girl.  My friend, Kris, from The Chubby Mummy blog was admitted to the hospital last night to be induced.  Her son should show up by tonight I’d think, although sometimes things pan out a little differently than we think!  I’m waiting on an update…

So for you, Kris:  Best wishes and many thoughts and prayers being sent your way!

And for everyone else who would like to check out a great blog about a 30-something gal who endured the pain of infertility before conceiving her long-awaited son, click the link above or to the right in the side bar!

2 Weeks & 6 days

Yup, that’s how long I have to go until I can be deemed “full term” and it is a thought that makes me very happy!

I keep repeating it to myself over and over everytime I want to get discouraged and freaked out.  Less than 3 weeks…less than 3 weeks….it’s so close.

Of course I also keep telling myself that the ultrasound tech who did my scan is just an idiot.  She’s a crazy lunatic who thoroughly enjoys fucking with people’s minds about measurements and shit….ya think?  It could be true (or so I tell me, myself, and I at our daily round table discussions on the topic)

So, thats my thought for the morning….let’s see how the rest of the day pans out.

Good, Bad, and Ugly Ultrasound

We had our ultrasound yesterday.  I won’t say that it was a magical experience because it was far from that.  As always, I love seeing little Charlie.  However, not all the news was good at this ultrasound.  (let me also tell you that Dr. GOOGLE is evil.  It is 4am and I have been up and on the computer half the night researching and everything sounds HORRIBLE and freakishly scary to me!!)

So let’s go over what the ultrasound tech saw and expressed, and what we saw while we were there.  We’ll try to not include any of the info that Dr. Google gave me because, as stated above, it’s just too damn scary to mention!

We’ll start with the good things:  Charlotte’s estimated weight is 5 pounds! YAY!  And she is also head down (something that earlier in the pregnancy I could tell, but recently haven’t been able to…so I was wondering.)  Vaginal birth–HERE WE COME!!!

Now, on to the not so great results:  Charlie is measuring behind now.  This has been a concern for quite sometime and this is one of the reasons why we have frequent ultrasounds.  This may sound confusing, but bear with me…

Due date calculated from last period:  October 5th

Due date calculated at Nuchal Translucency Test:  September 24th  (I think that’s right)

Due date calculated by this ultrasound:  October 14th

On paper this LOOKS like Charlie’s overall growth is about 3 weeks behind (From first ultrasound to this one).  However, I know when I ovulated, I know that October 5th is the correct due date.  So, technically she is only 9 days behind.  Still behind, but not as much as they want to think I am….

I hope that the doctor recognizes this because if they think Charlie is 3 weeks behind, then I’m just about positive that they will induce to get her out of there before it gets worse.  We’ll have to wait til Wednesday for my doctor’s appointment to see what she has to say about all of this.  The ultrasound tech was pretty worried and all up in arms about it.  Frankly, it freaked her out–which did nothing for my mental health today.

Also–I noticed that there were some large whitish spots in the placenta.  I knew what it was immediately, but I asked the tech to verify what I was seeing.  There is some definite calcification in the placenta.  I don’t know how bad it is, but if it’s bad enough that means that the placenta is aging too fast and failing prematurely.  However, some level of calcification can be normal at this point in pregnancy too.  So, we’ll have to wait for the radiologist to determine what “grade” the calcification is.

And the ugliest news of all (and I didn’t really realize that this was ugly news til Dr. Google told me it was):  Charlie’s head measured significantly behind her abdomen.  I didn’t take much stock during the ultrasound–figured it was just “normal”.  Well, apparently, at no time is a smaller head deemed “normal” and will be taken heavily into consideration as it could have a heavy impact on Charlie’s health.  Fuck.  Fuck.  FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I was not undone initially by the results.  It wasn’t til we got home.  Paul and I talked about things.  Paul reminded me how Charlie’s growth looks on paper (being 3 weeks behind), then that got me thinking about everything else that was said and seen….and then I went on my journey through google….and it only got worse from there.  So, I’m worried for sure.  My worry about delivering a preterm baby is high.  My worry about delivering a baby that might have health problems is moderate.  My worry that there is something MAJOR wrong is pretty low (which surprises even me!).

So, a few days and we’ll see the doc and get to take a look at the official report from the radiologist.  I’m scared.  I won’t lie.  I think ultrasounds are pretty unreliable for weight measurements and I don’t trust that she’s big enough to be on the outside just yet.  It’s too early….way too early.

32 Week Appointment

Yesterday was my 32 week doctor’s appointment.  I really didn’t want to go.  Tried everything to get out of it even!  Eventually, I just sucked it up and went, but Haley was in tow with us and that was interesting in itself!

I warned Haley up front that the doc was going to have to look at my “girl parts” to see if baby Charlotte was trying to make a prison break.  She made a gross face and said okay.  I had her bring a coloring book and crayons to keep herself busy while we were in the room.

We get in there and I strip from the waist down.  Ya know, sit there with a paper sheet kinda almost covering me, butt crack hanging out the back for good measure because it doesn’t reach that far around.  Fun times.  Doc comes in and chit chats awhile, as she usually does.  She takes extra time looking over notes made on my chart at my last appointment because I had seen the other doc in the practice and this other doctor took a red pen and marked all over stuff.  (Other doc just wanted to make sure that my doc saw that I still had previa and all that good stuff so she put it in red to make sure it was seen)  So, my doc decides we’ll have another ultrasound next week.  This will be ultrasound number, count ‘em, SIX of this pregnancy.  More fun times since I rarely get out of a visit with the dildo cam (aka trans-vaginal ultrasound wand), only one ultrasound so far have I avoided that thing!  I have got to remember to call and schedule that tomorrow…

So, she goes on to check me and just says that things are “good.”  That was enough for me.  I didn’t ask for any details at all.  So, we’re good and that’s good enough for me.  Charlotte seems to be locked away by the grip of my steely cervix happy and content in there for now, and with any hope won’t be making an early run for it.  Let’s hope nobody sends her a cake with a file baked inside…

The exciting news about the doctor’s appointment is that doc says that even if the placenta doesn’t move that we can try for a vaginal birth.  However, if there is any heavy bleeding then we’ll be whisked off for an emergency c-section.  I’m happy that I’ll atleast get to try for a natural birth.  I am so scared of a section, it isn’t even funny!  So, hopefully the placenta will have migrated upwards with the growth of the uterus and it won’t be an issue, but it’s good to know (because the previa is not that bad) that we still have options.  Of course, I had been pushing the issue because the perinatologist had already told me that it could be an option when I was there to see her.  So, while I know for the rest of you that may not seem exciting, it makes me so happy I could squeal!

Oh…and I’ve lost weight again.  Damn.  Thought I was headed in the right direction with that finally.  I suppose that’s what I get for thinking.  So, I am officially 4 pounds lighter than when I got pregnant in the first place.  I only lost 7 to begin with, but I’ve only gained back 3 pounds.  What a shame since I’m now about 8 months pregnant….

Life Stole Me Away…

So, I fully realize I’ve been away for…umm….a good long while.  My apologies.  It’s been a busy time lately.  I will try to fill this post with updates, and yet, keep it as short as possible.

Haley is home! YAY!  I couldn’t be happier.  She saw things that I am not impressed with at all, but we’ll get into those later.  What is most important is that she is home and safe and I no longer have to worry every second of everyday.  She is being a little more whiney, clingy, and needy than she was before she left.  However, you won’t catch me complaining about how she wants to hold my hand all the time and have sweet little girl talks!

We were at my mother-in-law’s house for 5 days and it was fun.  We had a good time.  The bed in our room sucks (yes, we still have a room there! LOL) so I didn’t sleep that well while we were there, but it was still fun.  I miss my MIL and being close to home and all the rest of our relatives.  My contractions started on Saturday and didn’t let up until Tuesday night.  On Saturday they were 14 minutes apart for a long time.  Then, on Tuesday they were 7-10 minutes apart and getting painful at times.  It was scary.  I had an appointment with the doc on Wednesday though and had her check me and she said I was “good”.  I didn’t ask if there was any dilation.  “Good” was good enough for me!!   There is more exciting news to go with the doctor’s appointment, but we’ll make that a seperate post.

I took Haley and got her all registered for school.  We met her teacher and saw her classroom.  Her teacher is very nice.  I was hesistant about how I’d feel about Haley going to first grade.  I really really loved her kindergarten teacher so I didn’t know how a new teacher would measure up.  However, I think this woman will do.  Of course, we’ll see over the next few weeks how things go.  Haley starts on the 19th and she can’t wait to go back and be a FIRST GRADER!  Apparently, first grade is like a big accomplishment since you get like a numbered title now.  I must have forgotten that little thing from when I was a kid…

We still have plenty of school shopping to do.  I guess that will all get done tomorrow.  Haley loves everything that she has already gotten.  She has been asking over and over if she is allowed to help pick her own clothes…weird.  Right?  I say of course you get to help pick your clothes.  You have to wear them, I don’t.  However, I didn’t buy her school clothes last year.  The Douche and his gf and mom picked them out.  Haley says she got no say on her clothes whatsoever.  I kinda feel bad for her.  Poor kid.  I made her wear those hideous rags because I thought she picked them out!  Oh well, we’ll fix that this school year.  Not that she gets to have total say in what she wears since both Paul and I are pretty particular about some of the “hoochie” clothes they are now marketing to little girls.  She definitely won’t be getting any of those!  But….I do think that she should be able to veto certain styles too if she doesn’t like them.  Guess I’m a softie?

That’s about it for now…I’ll update about the doc’s appointment tomorrow sometime.

Ramblings…

Haley will be home in 2 days.  I couldn’t be any happier!  So, now we just have to pack up and head up to Michigan to get her from my mother-in-laws house, where The Douche will be dropping her off.  Don’t ask-long story-maybe I’ll explain in detail someday.   Kinda sucks going all the way up there since we have to take the dog and all that, but we’ll make due, and probably stay through the weekend too.  I guess I’ll have to do most of Haley’s school shopping up there.  Which is cool.  I miss the outlet mall there!  I wonder if I can find some good deals on baby stuff while I’m out looking for Haley’s clothes?

I think we’ll make it a girl’s only trip.  Me, Haley, and MIL will probably head out and hit the outlet mall one day and then JCPenney’s and Sears the next day.  I already picked up most of the other stuff she’ll need-ya know pencils and crayons and stuff.  I think I still need to get her a pair of scissors though.  She’ll need a couple pairs of shoes too.  We already got her a winter coat so we’re covered on that one.  Shouldn’t be too terribly expensive.

Well….I’m just rampling now….and about stupid stuff that nobody cares about…